Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Why the Hashtag #wifeymaterial Needs to Die

I swear to G-O-D if another female on my Instagram feed posts a food photo of a meal she so proudly whipped up and decided to annoyingly photograph, while hashtagging “wifeymaterial” as the caption, I’m going to projectile vomit on my phone.

Not only is it completely unnecessary, it’s downright desperate. It’s thirsty. (Are people still saying that?) I’m so over it. What are you trying to do? First and foremost the term “wifey material” is completely offensive to the female species.

To be modern is to change with the times. Gone are the days of women bred to stay at home, raise children, cook, clean and take care of their husbands all while looking perfect too. (Although, Lucy Ricardo did this flawlessly).

Stay at home dads are a thing nowadays and quite frankly, I love it. We have got to stop with this gender roles thing. If you happen to be a stay at home mom, do not be offended. It's absolutely something to be proud of. Being a mom is one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs on the planet. Don't get it twisted. However, a man can and should cook for his woman too. 

All I’m saying is relationships should be equal. You know, 50/50. And if you happen to be one of the lucky few that snag a man who can cook, hold onto him and never let go. These are best kind of men in the world. Can I get an amen?

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Eyebrows= Game Changer

I want you to do me a little favor. Walk yourself to the nearest restroom and face the mirror head on. Take a nice long gander at your face paying close attention to dem brows. If you see a shape resembling anything that may be mistaken for miniature sperm, please seek brow help immediately.

This is not okay. It’s downright disrespectful to be exact. I’m about to let you in on a little secret. Eyebrows are everything. They are life, love and the pursuit of all things beautiful. If you don’t believe me you can continue on going about your day with the Nike logo hanging out above your eyes, attracting all kinds of wrong attention and bad glances.

You are not alone in your bad having brows. We’ve all been there. I recently discovered the beauty of a little place called Damone Roberts in Beverly Hills and now my life is a little bit more fabulous. This gem of a place takes their craft serious. $50- some odd dollars a pop, serious. However, they do the damn thing and they do it well.

Alas, if you live outside of LA my best piece of advice is this: Don’t touch your eyebrows. Throw away your tweezer. No I’m not kidding. Bushy brows are the shit. And once those beauties grow out, just worry about ridding yourself of the uni (brow) and you’re good as gold.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Five Reasons to Celebrate Lyfe

1.     You exist.
The sole fact alone is a reason to be happy. And not just pretend happy but really fucking thrilled.

You have a life and you’re living it. It’s a luxury denied to many and the fact that you get to experience it, live it and ride the roller coaster as they say, is a reason to pop champagne. Or your booty, or both. Your choice, no judging here.

2.     You’re cute.
Admit it. You’ve looked in the mirror, on occasion, and thought to yourself; damn I look really fucking good today! And it has given you a reason to smile. A reason to be happy that you’re alive and breathing.

Zero in on the little details about yourself that you should really be quite thankful for: i.e, your cute toes (they are far and few between), your thick eyebrows (swoon), your freckles (adorbs), perfectly proportionate nose (rare), voluptuous boobies or lack thereof. In which case you get to prance around braless on the daily which is oh so brag worthy in itself. Whatever it is, OWN IT.

We all deep down know our physical assets that make us feel good about ourselves and for some reason, someone down the road called it arrogance or whatever and now we’re ashamed for being proud of what our momma gave us? I think we should celebrate it. Forever and always.

Now go on and shake it, like a red nose. What?

3.     Dogs.
I’m convinced that dogs were put on this earth to brighten up days. To cheer us up, to remind us to love and to show us that conversations with humans are overrated.

Just kidding, but really. I know I’m not alone in feeling that dogs bring the most insane amount of happiness to not only their owners slash families but even random strangers. My mood can go from hating my day to absolute gratitude from simply petting a four-legged nugget.

Dogs are the bees knees and if you don’t like dogs well, I suggest you change that.

4.     You’re twenty-something.  
“Your 20’s are your selfish years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little and never touch the ground.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Being twenty something means being young, wild and free. It’s a time to be lived, explored and figured out along the way. It’s about fucking up but never giving up. It’s not for sitting around and contemplating why you aren't married and knocked up. It’s not a time to get all emo and hard on yourself about why you’re not twenty-five sittin on twenty-five mil.

Okay, one too many Wiz Khalifa song quotes already, I’ll stop.

5.     Sunsets.
So sunsets are everything dot com. This is fact, which explains why every single human I know, from the age of nine to ninety-nine have most definitely taken, posted, or pridefully shown me from their smart phone a picture of a breathtaking sunset.

Doesn’t matter if you live near the beach, or in the middle of nowhere. They are right there out in the open, ready for you to ooh and awe at its beauty. Sunsets are the most gorgeous free form of awe-inspiring nature art. It’s something we should all have a little more appreciation for.

After all, it’s the little things. Amirite?