Wednesday, December 10, 2014

47 Things That go Through a Girl’s Head When Getting A Mani

Women, we love to get pampered. It’s a no brainer, right? Well, not exactly. Truthfully, we sort of have a love/hate relationship with the whole matter. It’s complicated.

I live for a good gel mani as much as the next girl. There’s a very special place in my heart for the person who created Shellac. Having nicely manicured nails is up there on my list of things that are important to me. (Alongside nice eyebrows, of course.) Also, pedicures are just a must in girl world. Dirty toes are all sorts of nasty. Not speaking for the majority here but I’m sure you can agree.

However, the process of getting there is most definitely not a trip to Disneyland. Pursuing beauty is a full time job. Nails especially, require maintenance. At risk of sounding a little too girly, the process of getting a good mani and pedi is H-W-D. Hard work and dedication.

Sometimes the mere thought of getting my nails done and sitting in a chair for two hours just isn’t my idea of a good time. Pizza is a good time. Someone digging into my cuticles and scrubbing off dead skin with a hard rock, not so fun. On some days it’s a flat out chore. Okay, point blank, it’s anxiety.

First off, having to pick out a color that you are stuck having to stare at on your fingernails every day for the next two and a half weeks is straight stress. I can’t even decide what I’m having for dinner tonight. What do you want from me? I can’t commit for that long (things manicures and dating have in common.)

I get how the whole thing appears to be totally relaxing but quite frank, it’s not. It’s exhausting. Yes the end result, once it’s all said and done is typically a happy ending. Sometimes. Let’s be honest here, it’s not even till day five or six that you actually have been able to convince yourself that you actually chose the right color. Only then is it all worth it. Oh the drama of being a female.

But as they say in beauty school and life, no pain no gain.

Here are 43 thoughts that has gone through every girls head while getting her nails did.

What color should I get?

Why can’t I just know what I want?

I should probably do red.

But I just want a nude.

And I hate all their nudes.

They have a bad selection.

Should I do glitter?

Whatever, Linkin Park After Dark it is.

Am I gonna hate it?


This water isn’t hot enough.

Shit, I should have shaved my legs.

Are my toes gross?

She just rolled her eyes.

Is she talking shit about me?

This chair is heaven.

She hates me.

She totally cut my nails too short.

That’s gonna look fugs.

I’m screwed.

Ouch, bitch that hurt.

I think she just made me bleed.

She’s laughing.

What the hell?

She’s half assing it. I can tell.

She better do three coats.

Did she just turn off my massage chair?

Oh no she di-nt.

This girl is talking some major shit about her roommate.

Am I really this ticklish?

She’s doing it on purpose.

Is she gonna fix that?

Ugh I hate the color I chose.

Nevermind I kind of love it.

This takes so long.

What am I gonna eat?

I’m starving.

Wait the roommate slept with her ex?

Wow what a bitch.

This story is getting good.

Great they’re leaving.

Is my girl done yet?


Yep I hate the color.


I should’ve done red.

I’m totally getting pizza after this.

4 Kanye Quotes That Will Help You Nail Your Next Interview

Whether you are a Kanye West fan or not, you’ve got to give the man credit where credit is due. He has the confidence of nobody else on this planet. Let us reminisce for a second, he once claimed to be GOD. Never forget.

You love to loathe him. And he loves to love… himself. He welcomes the haters with open arms and why wouldn’t he? The guy has a jumbo size laundry list of things on his life resume to brag about.
He’s 37 years old and already has 21 grammy wins to his name.  The fury in this fact, is that it only aids to validate his self inflicted egomania. It’s no secret that he has a talent for loving himself and it’s seemingly got him to where he is. At the top.

Truth is, we all possess an ‘inner Kayne’ that needs to be unleashed on occasion. Somewhere deep rooted in our soul of souls its hidden, but it’s there. That painfully over confident, borderline cocky, and shamefully proud ego so large it rivals Kim K’s ass. Just kidding, never that big.

Interviews suck, point blank. No one in their right mind gets giddy over an interview. No one besides, yep you guessed it, Big K West. Because he kills it, flawlessly. When you really need to nail it and I mean your life, (or future job status) depends on it, channeling the one and only Yeezus is not just crucial; it’s life or don’t get the job. Which is practically the same as death in modern day.

I’ve had my fair share of interviews, haven’t we all?  It can be a scary, intimidating and very daunting process. We dread it, hope for the best, and rehearse what we are going to say in our head a zillion times before it actually goes down.

What I have learned is that nothing on God’s green earth, will prepare you more than simply getting your confidence in check. Once you have that down, the actual interview isn’t intimidating at all. Answers just seem to flow out of you like a volcano. A strong, confident, charming and impressive volcano, that maybe talks like Kanye.  

I’m not just talking about jamming out to Gold Digger on your way there, although by all means please do. I’m talking about full-blown, balls to the wall, getting into your alter ego, also known as your badass self, via Kayne quotes.

Without further adieu, the five most influential/controversial? quotes by Mr. West himself, below. Get ready to knock em dead.

“Come on now! How could you be me and want to be someone else?” –Guardian, 2005
I’m well aware of how arrogant this comes across but he’s definitely onto something here. If you want the job bad enough, this is the number one prerequisite to nailing the interview and maybe the most important one of all.

Do you believe you are in fact the sh*t? Ask yourself. And whatever you do, don’t take no for an answer. You must first convince yourself to be able to convince anyone else. Yes I am getting all, ‘Law of Attraction’ on you.  

Repeat a positive affirmation while you’re getting ready, brushing your teeth and perfecting that fab head of hair. Heck if no one is around, stare at yourself in the mirror and say it. You know damn well Kanye would and that is who we’re channeling here.

“You can’t look at a glass half empty or half full if it’s overflowing.” –Twitter
He’s exactly right. It’s all a matter of perception. What you think about yourself means everything. What others think about you is none of your business. Having a positive mindset is the difference between success and failure. This is something we all claim to know but somehow regret to practice on a daily basis. 

When you’re sitting in front of someone you need to impress, nothing seems to be more impressionable than that of a positive outlook. Something that seems like such an obvious no brainer right? As someone who has given many interviews in my day, I can’t tell you how many people would trash talk their previous employer. Or actually give me a weakness when I asked for it. Put a positive spin on everything and smile often, two keys for winning over even your biggest critic.

“Respect my trendsetting abilities. Once that happens, everyone wins.”- New York Times
The trick is to make them feel that if they don’t hire you, the whole place is going to burn to the ground. Dramatic, yes. Effective? You betcha.

If you can successfully articulate this one, you are well on your way to winning them over. What are you bringing to the table that no one else is? Be an expert. Show them what they’re missing.

Are you a force to be reckond with when it comes to organization? Or maybe its your killer sales pitch that makes everyone else look like a bag of lame. Whatever it is, it’s yours and you rock it. And by all means, sell yourself like your rent, food, bills and social life depend on it, because who are we kidding? It sure as hell does.

“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform.” –VH1
Oh Kanye. You kill me. In the best way possible.

It’s the most dreaded question of them all. They want to know, “why should we hire you?” As much as well all want to be like, “because I’m awesome,” and be done with it, we can’t.

In any solid sales pitch, this is the time where you eliminate doubt. You wait a couple months then you gonna see, you’ll never find nobody better than me. Without having to resort to a bad Kanye lyric, reaffirm your strengths as much as humanely possible. Lastly, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by talking too much. Limit yourself to sixty seconds of why you are the best candidate for the role and get out of there. Hook, line and sinker.

From the obnoxiousity of it all, there is some cold hard truth to be learned here. The ever so vain, Mr. West is wise beyond his years. Self doubt is the killer of success. It’s the thief of happiness and celebratory drinks. Don’t take those excuses to get sloppy drunk with friends to congratualate ones achievements, nights away from us. Those nights are all we have. Love thyself!

Kayne never forgets how awesome he is. Cocky? Indeed but why would we ever doubt our own greatness? Self love is the jam. If nothing else, Kanye has taught us that negativity is a worthless emotion. You are your own biggest fan. As Henry Ford once wrote, “Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right.”

Celebrate your existence, know you are a big deal, and if they hate then let em hate and watch the money pile up. I’m trying to spread positivity one arrogant Kanye quote at a time.